Listening Without Judgement
Because when your child opens up—even if it sounds dramatic, wrong, or totally off-base—what they need most isn’t correction. It’s connection.
When we think about listening to our kids, it’s easy to assume we’re doing it well. But real listening—the kind that builds connection—exists on a spectrum.
At one end, you’ve got tools like mirroring to make sure you’re accurately understanding what’s being said. At the other end is true attunement: being fully present, suspending your own thoughts, and really stepping into your child’s perspective.
But somewhere in the middle is a tool I keep coming back to—acceptance. And that’s where parents often resist.
“But I don’t agree with what he’s saying.”
“But she’s wrong!”
So let’s reframe:
Acceptance is not agreement.
TL;DR
You don’t have to agree to accept. Listening without judgment builds trust, opens communication, and invites your child to keep talking—even when you don’t see things the same way.
Make a Moment
Acceptance doesn’t mean you approve of everything your child says. It means you’re willing to hear them out, to be present in their perspective, and to resist jumping in with corrections, fixes, or rebuttals.
Not helpful:
“That’s not true—there are lots of kids who don’t play.”
“I saw the coach put you in after halftime.”
“I’m sure the coach likes you—everyone likes you.”
These well-meaning responses shut the conversation down. They signal: You’re wrong. I know better.
Try this instead:
“You sound upset that you didn’t get to play much today.”
That simple statement of acceptance opens the door. Your child might clarify their real concern—maybe it’s feeling out of place on a more competitive team. Maybe they’re testing what they think you want to hear. You won’t know if you jump in too soon.
TL;DR
When you respond with curiosity instead of correction, you keep the emotional channel open—and your child keeps talking.
Why It Works
When we interrupt to fix, argue, or reframe what our child is saying, we make it about us. But when we pause and accept—even when we disagree—we offer something powerful: validation.
Validation doesn’t mean agreement. It means: I see you. I hear you. Your perspective matters.
This kind of listening helps kids regulate their emotions and develop the confidence to express themselves. It also strengthens connection, because kids feel emotionally safe—even when they’re struggling or saying something you don’t love.
There’s a time and place for teaching, guiding, or storytelling. But this isn’t it. This is the moment for presence.
TL;DR
Validating your child’s experience—without rushing to fix it—builds emotional safety, trust, and long-term communication skills.
Your MicroStep
Accept, don’t correct. Today, when you hear something you don’t agree with, pause and repeat “accept, accept, accept” in your mind. Then simply reflect what your child is feeling—and let them keep going.
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