Say It Straight
Turns out, “kind but clear” works better than crossing your fingers and hoping they read your mind.
A mom said to me recently, “Of course I say what I mean. I’m a parent, not a politician.” We laughed—but she wasn’t joking.
Most of us don’t intend to be unclear with our kids. We’re not trying to be manipulative or vague. But somewhere between avoiding conflict, rushing through tasks, or second-guessing ourselves, we start sending messages that are... murky.
When my kids were babies, I didn’t think much about the phrase “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” It felt obvious. But as they grew older, I realized that those eight cliché words hold serious parenting power—especially when it comes to setting boundaries and following through.
TL;DR
Clear, direct communication builds trust, reduces conflict, and teaches accountability. Saying what you mean—and meaning it—makes parenting easier in the long run.
Make a Moment
When we’re vague or hesitant, our words lose weight. The result? Confusion, pushback, and inconsistent follow-through.
Instead of:
“So, um, I was thinking it might be time for a break from the iPad... would you be willing to give it to me?” (nervous, vague)
“Why are you out of bed again? What’s going on?” (inconsistent: child is out of bed, but gets engagement)
“Why are you on your phone? Don’t you know you have homework?” (vague, no action)
“No, I can’t cuddle any longer. I have to make dinner.” (unclear boundary)
Try saying it straight—with warmth and certainty:
“It’s time to take a break from the iPad. You’ve got two minutes to finish up.” (And then you follow through—no debate.)
“It’s bedtime. You need to be in bed now.” (Walk them back. Short and calm.)
“I think you’re hiding the tablet because you’re afraid you’ll get in trouble. Let’s talk in a few minutes and figure out how you can be honest without being scared.” (Inviting honesty with safety.)
“I’ve loved cuddling. Now I need to make dinner. You can help me or play with your Legos.” (You extract yourself and move on.)
TL;DR
When kids know exactly what to expect, they’re more likely to follow through—and less likely to test the limits.
Why It Works
Kids thrive on clarity. When they understand what’s expected, they don’t have to guess—or push.
Saying what you mean (and meaning it) doesn’t just help you hold boundaries—it also shows your kids that you’re reliable, consistent, and emotionally safe. And that, in turn, makes them feel safe.
It’s not always easy. It takes courage to be clear—and sometimes support to even get the words out. But the more consistently you practice this, the more trust you build.
Eventually, your child learns that:
Words mean something.
Actions have consequences.
You’re someone they can count on.
And that’s a gift that extends far beyond childhood.
TL;DR
Clarity builds trust. Consistency teaches accountability. Together, they create the foundation for cooperation and emotional security.
Your MicroStep
Direct with respect. Clear boundaries aren’t harsh—they’re helpful. Say what you mean with kindness, and you’ll grow both trust and your child’s sense of agency.
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