Unlock Your Parenting Power
Because true authority doesn’t come from controlling your child’s behavior—it comes from understanding what’s underneath it.
Picture this: It’s a typical evening in our house. Four energetic girls, ranging from six to twelve, are buzzing around like a tornado. Suddenly, an argument erupts—this time over who gets to hold the guinea pig.
Grace, the youngest, feels overlooked. In frustration, she grabs a nearby stuffed animal and hurls it across the room.
My first instinct? Harumph. Of course I’m irritated—the older girls are being bossy (“can’t they just be nice?”), and now Grace is yelling (“she knows better!”). I just want a break. It’s tempting to zero in on the behavior—the throwing, the yelling—rather than look deeper.
But here’s the thing: behavior is only the tip of the iceberg. Underneath it lies the emotion that sparked it. Anger, defeat, excitement—they all drive our kids’ actions. And when we focus only on the behavior, we miss the most important part.
But here’s the thing: behavior is only the tip of the iceberg. Underneath it lies the emotion that sparked it. Anger, defeat, excitement—they all drive our kids’ actions. And when we focus only on the behavior, we miss the most important part.
TL;DR
Your child’s behavior is the outer layer. The real power lies in understanding the emotion beneath it—and guiding your child through it with empathy and boundaries..
Make a Moment
When we try to “manage” our child’s feelings with distractions, threats, or even over-accommodation, we end up suppressing the emotion without ever resolving it.
Instead of:
“Stop crying! There's no reason to be upset over something so small.” (Dismissal.)
“If you don't behave, you're grounded for a month!” (Threats.)
“Okay, relax and finish your video game—homework can wait.” (Over-accommodation.)
Try:
“I see you're enjoying the game, and it’s time to turn it off. We set limits, and now it’s time to follow them. Let’s find something else to do.” (Boundary: I can’t let you keep playing; I get that it’s a bummer.)
“You’re upset about losing, and that’s okay. Instead of throwing toys, let’s kick a ball outside or run with the dog.” (Mentoring: Feelings are okay, but let’s choose a better outlet.)
“I hear that you’re really mad. And it’s okay to be mad. But using those words to talk to me isn’t. Take a breath and try again—I want to hear you.” (Boundary: Feel the emotion, adjust the expression.)
When we validate emotion while holding limits on behavior, we teach our kids how to express themselves constructively—without shutting them down.
TL;DR
You don’t need to choose between empathy and structure. Acknowledge the emotion, hold the line, and show your child they’re safe, seen, and capable of more.
Why It Works
I call it my “EmoEdge.” When we truly see our kids—“I hear you, I get you”—we actually gain the edge in the moment. Why? Because feeling seen helps them settle down. It calms their nervous system and strengthens connection, which gives them the emotional space to regulate themselves.
That connection builds safety. And safety unlocks emotional growth.
Over time, showing up with empathy and clear boundaries helps our kids develop emotional intelligence—the ability to name their feelings, manage their reactions, and stay grounded through the messiness of life.
Because let’s be honest: emotions aren’t something we can control directly. They’re like weather—internal, unpredictable, and sometimes wild. Trying to shut them down is like trying to stop a thunderstorm by yelling at the clouds.
But helping our kids understand their emotions? That gives them tools for life.
TL;DR
You can’t control your child’s emotions, but you can help them navigate them. And that’s where the real growth—and connection—happens.
Your MicroStep
Feel, set, connect. Empower your child’s emotional journey by embracing their feelings, setting clear boundaries, and showing up with connection in every moment.
Like what you're reading?
Grab my book, The MicroStep Method for the Overwhelmed Parent: Small Moments, Big Impact, for the entire collection of MicroSteps.