I Can Handle Your Pain
When your child is hurting and you just want to fix it
There’s nothing worse than seeing your kid in pain—especially when there’s no Band-Aid that can make it better. Maybe someone was mean to them at school. Maybe they got benched all game. Maybe that test came back with a big red grade.
You can feel the mama bear rising—but there’s no kid to roar at, no coach to scold, no grade to reverse. So now what?
TL;DR
When our kids hurt, our instincts kick in to fix, smooth, or protect—but what they need most isn’t a solution. It’s us.
Make a Moment
Here’s the truth: it’s totally normal to want to take away the hurt. Maybe we were raised in families where emotions weren’t talked about, so our kids’ big feelings hit like a tidal wave. Maybe we worry their pain will lead to bigger struggles down the line, so we scramble to fix it now.
But what if—just for this moment—you didn’t have to do anything?
You don’t have to find the perfect words. You don’t have to cheer them up. You don’t have to call the school.
You can just… sit with them.
And if you want something to say, try:
"That’s really hard."
"I’m right here."
"You don’t have to go through this alone."
Let it feel awkward. Let it be quiet.
It helps me to think of a little girl cupping a butterfly in her hands—gently enough so it can flap its wings, but with enough intention to keep it from flying away. Like that butterfly, our kids will flutter, settle, and find their way—if we can hold the space, quietly, without squeezing or letting go.
TL;DR
Don’t rush to fix it. Just be there. You’re the safe space they need.
Why It Works
So much of our kids’ emotional regulation comes from co-regulation—the sense that someone is nearby, calm and steady, while they ride their waves.
When we jump to rescue, we send an unspoken message: “You can’t handle this.”
But when we stay present—tender, grounded, and quiet—
we are communicating something else entirely:
You’re safe.
You’re not alone.
You’re strong enough to feel this.
TL;DR
Emotional safety isn't built in the pep talks. It's built in your presence.
Your MicroStep
💬 Say one grounding phrase—and stay.
Even if your own stomach’s in knots. Even if you’re tempted to problem-solve.
Just stay.
“You can be yourself with me.”
Like what you're reading?
Grab my book, The MicroStep Method for the Overwhelmed Parent: Small Moments, Big Impact, for the entire collection of MicroSteps.