Elevate and Inspire: The Power of Expectations
Ever notice how the “good” kid keeps getting better—and the “not-so-good” one just keeps getting more stuck?
We all do it. We point out where our kids are falling short, thinking it’ll motivate them to rise to the occasion. But what if those well-meaning comments are actually reinforcing the very behaviors we’re trying to change? This moment flips that instinct on its head.
TL;DR
Your child becomes who you believe them to be. That doesn’t mean ignoring bad behavior—but it does mean seeing past it.
Make a Moment
It’s human nature to zero in on the negative. We focus on what’s missing, what’s messy, or what they “should” be doing differently.
And that leaks out in the things we say:
“You don’t show any appreciation—you need to start being respectful.”
“If you don’t do your homework, you’ll never get into college.”
“You need to clean this room. You can’t live like this.”
We think we’re guiding them. But kids pick up on more than just words. They absorb our disapproval like static in the air—and start to believe they can’t ever measure up.
Instead of reinforcing what’s lacking, try speaking about your child as if they already are the kind, respectful, responsible person you believe they can be.
INSTEAD OF:
“You’re always so disrespectful. I’ve had it.”
“How come you are so messy. This room is disgusting.”
TRY:
“You’re someone who knows how to treat people with kindness. I know you’ll figure this out.”
“You’re a kid who knows how to take care of your space. I’m here to help you get started if you’re stuck.”
TL;DR
Your words shape your child’s identity. Speak to the version of them you believe in—not the one you're frustrated with in the moment.
Why It Works
There’s a reason this moment matters. The word education comes from the Latin educere—meaning “to draw out.” Our role isn’t to cram in lessons or fix flaws. It’s to draw out what’s already there.
When kids hear constant reminders of how they fall short, they internalize those labels. It chips away at motivation and self-worth.
But when you project belief—when you see them as capable, responsible, and kind—they start to rise to that version of themselves. The science of expectancy theory (and decades of child development research) back this up: kids often become what they think you believe about them.
TL;DR
Belief isn’t fluff. It’s fuel. When your kids feel seen as capable, they’re more likely to become that.
Your MicroStep
See your child as the highest version of themselves—even when they fall short. Your expectations quietly shape who they become.
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