Grit Isn’t Loud
The moments that shape our kids the most are rarely the ones we post about—they’re the quiet ones no one sees.
When your kid wins big... but the real growth came way earlier
Sophie made the NCAA Final Four last weekend.
It was loud, joyful, and absolutely worth celebrating.
But the moment that stuck with me most didn’t happen on that field. It happened a few days earlier, in a hot gym, with a five-year-old crying over a Hungry Hippo game. And it reminded me: grit isn’t built in the big wins—it’s built in the small, unseen ones.
TL;DR
Milestones matter. But grit—the kind that carries our kids through life—isn’t built in the spotlight. It’s built in the quiet, emotionally significant moments no one else sees.
Make a Moment
She held the “TICKET PUNCHED” sign like it weighed nothing.
But I know what it took to get there.
Not just physically—though there were those 6:00 a.m. lifts, the injuries, the missed dances, the road trips with assignments half-finished. Not just mentally—though I’ve seen her question her role, her confidence, her love for the sport.
But emotionally.
Because grit doesn’t usually look like this.
Grit isn’t loud.
Grit is quiet.
Last weekend, our daughter Sophie helped punch her team’s ticket to the NCAA Final Four. The celebration was loud. The photos were perfect. The milestone was real.
But that same week, I was coaching my K–2 lacrosse team. One little girl burst into tears because she didn’t win our version of Hungry Hippos—the game where they scramble to pick up as many balls as they can.
She crumpled next to the pile of balls, shoulders slumped, completely undone. And honestly? I froze. I had no idea what to say.
Then I knelt down beside her and just said:
“That was really disappointing, huh? You really wanted that win.”
She nodded, still sniffling. I waited. No pep talk. No “you’ll do better next time.”
And then—because five-year-olds are absolute wildcards—she jumped up, did three cartwheels, and joined the others like nothing had happened.
Because that moment—that messy, real, unrehearsed one?
That’s where grit starts.
Not in the win. But in the feeling of losing, and knowing you’re not alone in it.
Milestones Matter—but They’re Not the Whole Story
Here’s what I’ve learned after raising four daughters:
Milestones are events.
They give life rhythm and meaning. They mark effort and growth.
But they’re not what changes a child.
It’s the moments in between.
The moment you said, “This is hard, and I know you can handle it.”
The moment you said, “I can’t drive you over there now because you didn’t finish cleaning your room.”—and then stopped.
The moment you let them struggle, without rushing in to fix.
These aren’t once-a-year events.
They’re daily, forgettable, ordinary.
And yet—those are the moments that shape the brain.
The ones that wire in safety.
The ones that build resilience.
TL;DR
It’s not the big events, but how we handle the small, repeated struggles that shape a child’s sense of self, safety, and strength.
Why It Works
Research tells us what our gut already knows:
Neurons that fire together, wire together.
When we meet our kids’ stress with regulation, presence, and belief—
Even imperfectly, even inconsistently—
We’re laying emotional anchors.
Over time, those moments compound.
Not in the direction of perfection.
But toward trust. Confidence. Mental strength.
That’s how they end up here—holding the ticket.G
A Word for the Parents Still in the Messy Middle
If your child isn’t holding a championship sign this week…
If they’re struggling just to hold it together…
Please know this:
You are not behind.
They are not behind.
Their story isn’t being written in the loud moments.
It’s being built—quietly—in the ones no one sees.
That’s where grit lives.
That’s where growth happens.
TL;DR
The moments that shape our kids’ mental strength aren’t Instagrammable. They’re quiet, consistent, and often unseen—but they compound into the emotional backbone our kids will carry for life.
Your MicroStep
Next time your child struggles, try this:
“This part is hard. And you’re still here. That’s grit.”
Like what you're reading?
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