Accepting Is Not Agreeing
It’s one of the trickiest shifts in parenting—learning to hear your child’s perspective without rushing to fix, debate, or defend your own.
“You’re not listening. You just don’t get it.”
Sound familiar?
A lot of parents tell me, “But I was listening!” And they were. Sort of. But not in a way their child could feel. The truth is, most of us were never really taught how to listen to understand—especially when emotions are high or we’re worried our kids are getting it all wrong.
It’s tempting to jump in and correct, fix, or explain. But sometimes, what your child needs most is for you to sit with them in their version of the story—even if you disagree with it. That’s what acceptance means.
Not agreement. Just acknowledgment.
TL;DR
Your child doesn’t need you to agree. They need to know you heard them—and that their thoughts and feelings matter, even when you see things differently.
Make a Moment
Child: “The coach never plays me. He doesn’t like me.”
What your child just said may feel unfair or untrue. Your instinct might be to argue the facts or make them feel better. But doing so too quickly sends the message: “You’re wrong—and I’m not really listening.”
Instead of:
“That’s not true—there are lots of kids who don’t play.”
“But I saw the coach put you in after halftime.”
“I’m sure the coach likes you—everyone likes you.”
“Well, maybe if you practiced more, you’d get more play time.”
Try saying:
“Getting stuck on the bench is the worst.”
“Sounds like you think the coach is favoring the other players.”
“Games aren’t as fun when you’re stuck on the sideline, and you’d rather be on the field.”
When we drop our agenda and meet our child in their reality—even if it’s a little distorted—we create safety and trust. And that opens the door for them to tell us more.
TL;DR
When you reflect what your child is feeling, instead of correcting what they’re saying, you help them feel safe enough to keep talking.
Why It Works
Validation is a form of connection. When we say “I hear you” through tone, body language, and words that reflect their experience, we help our child feel seen—not dismissed.
That moment of acceptance triggers a cascade of emotional benefits: oxytocin gets released, nervous systems start to settle, and trust is built. Suddenly, your child is less defensive, more open, and maybe even willing to hear your perspective later.
And here's the long game: repeated moments of acceptance lay the groundwork for resilience. Kids who feel emotionally safe bounce back faster from disappointment, rejection, and stress. They’re also more likely to share their struggles and accept guidance.
Not because they were corrected. But because they were heard.
TL;DR
Acceptance builds connection and trust, which boosts emotional resilience. And kids who feel safe are more likely to listen, reflect, and grow.
Your MicroStep
Accept before you advise.
The next time your child shares something you don’t agree with, pause. Reflect what they’re feeling—no corrections, no lectures. Just presence.
Like what you're reading?
Grab my book, The MicroStep Method for the Overwhelmed Parent: Small Moments, Big Impact, for the entire collection of MicroSteps.