Do Your Eyes Light Up?
Because sometimes the most powerful way to say “I love you” isn’t through words—it’s the look on your face when your child walks in the room.
Do you ever feel like all you do is correct, criticize, and nag your kids? You’re constantly managing and reminding—and it's exhausting. It’s easy to assume your children know how much you care because you’re doing so much for them. But what if the message that lands isn’t love… it’s criticism?
Twenty-five years ago on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Toni Morrison said something that changed the way I think about this:
“When a kid walks in the room, your child or anybody else’s child—does your face light up? That’s what they’re looking for.”
TL;DR
Kids don’t just need our care—they need to feel our delight. A lit-up face can say more than any lecture or list of tasks. It's a moment of belonging.
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Make a Moment
Parenting can feel like a never-ending to-do list: check the clock, brush the hair, pack the snacks, issue the reminders. Somewhere in the frenzy, our faces can start to default to a look of stress or urgency—rather than warmth.
And kids notice.
They latch onto our expressions. Even if love is in your heart, if frustration is on your face, that’s what your child feels first.
So here’s the shift:
Grab just one micro moment. When your child walks into the room, let your face say what’s in your heart. Let it say: I’m glad to see you.
You don’t need to plan it or perfect it. Just pause, make eye contact, and smile. Let them see it on your face. That’s it.
And if—like me—you tend to fill every space with words, try saying something simple:
“There you are!”
“I love seeing you.”
“I’m happy you’re here.”
Let the look come first. Let the love come through.
TL;DR
You don’t need the perfect words. Just one quiet moment—eye contact, a smile, a spark of joy—can remind your child they matter more than the mess.
Why It Works
The word “belonging” seems simple. Of course our kids belong in our families, right? But as Brené Brown reminds us, true belonging isn’t about fitting in or sharing a last name. It’s about feeling accepted for who we really are—and trusting we’re safe being seen.
That’s where your lit-up face comes in.
Even the most ordinary interactions—“Tie your shoelaces,” “Clear your plate”—can become something more when we lead with appreciation instead of correction:
“You picked matching socks. Love it.”
“Thanks for sitting down so quickly. I noticed.”
“I missed you today.”
Small words. Huge impact.
When a child knows the first thing they’ll hear from you is something kind, they listen differently. And when your face says, You matter here, they carry that message into every other room they walk into.
TL;DR
Belonging starts in your eyes. When your child feels truly seen—not just managed or corrected—it shapes their sense of worth and deepens your connection.
Your MicroStep
Lead with enough-ness.
Let your face light up—on purpose—when your child enters the room. That quiet flicker of joy? It’s what they’ll remember. And it’s what they’ll return to.
Like what you're reading?
Grab my book, The MicroStep Method for the Overwhelmed Parent: Small Moments, Big Impact, for the entire collection of MicroSteps.