Nobody Likes Feeling Ignored
Turns out, “making it all about me” wasn’t the parenting flex I thought it was. But once I stopped narrating the moment and actually tuned in? Everything shifted.
My kids used to say, “You always make it about you.”
That confused me. I mean, it would take ten pages to list everything I was doing for them. Surely, it’s all about them, right?
Well… sort of.
Parents often ask me, “Why would I empathize if my child is screaming at me, calling me awful, refusing to get dressed, or ignoring homework? If I say school is boring, aren’t I excusing their behavior? If I validate their anger, aren’t I saying it’s okay to lash out?”
I used to wonder the same thing. But over time, I started to understand what my kids meant.
They weren’t saying I didn’t do enough for them. They were saying that in hard moments, I often centered my feelings and reactions—blaming them for my mood or my choices—rather than really tuning into what was going on for them.
And when I did that, I wasn’t really in their story. I was in mine.
And nobody—especially not a child—likes feeling ignored.
TL;DR
When we center our own reactions in a tough moment, we miss what our child is trying to tell us. Shifting into their story builds connection, empathy, and emotional resilience.
Make a Moment
When we focus on how our child’s behavior makes us feel, we unintentionally push ourselves into the center of the scene—and push our child’s experience to the side.
Instead of:
“Of course I’m sad and mad—why would you treat your sister like that?!”
“Wait until you have kids—you’ll see why I lose my temper!”
“I wouldn’t be so fed up if you just did what I asked!”
Try climbing into their story:
“The rule is hands to ourselves in the car. Are you having difficulty with that?” (Notice without judgment.)
“Can we start again? It’s important to me that you feel comfortable expressing what’s on your mind.” (Use connection to make a request.)
“It’s probably hard to stay focused. What do you think would help make it feel more manageable?” (Validate and problem-solve.)
When we stop hijacking the moment and instead engage with curiosity, we send a powerful message: I see you. I’m listening. I care about what’s going on inside you.
TL;DR
Empathy means stepping into your child’s shoes—not stepping over their experience. And that shift makes all the difference.
Why It Works
Life is bumpy when you’re a kid. Everything is newer, harder, and more emotionally intense. They don’t have the skills, experience, or self-regulation that we expect from them—and yet we often act like they should.
But when we respond with empathy—real empathy, the kind that invites their point of view—we create space for emotional growth.
Research backs this up: Being non-judgmental and attuned in tough moments doesn’t mean we’re letting things slide. It means we’re building connection. And connection improves behavior, reduces meltdowns, and increases cooperation.
In those chaotic, frustrating moments, it’s easy to forget that we’re not just managing behavior—we’re helping our kids grow into emotionally intelligent adults. When we choose empathy over exasperation, we turn tension into teachable moments. And that, more than anything, prepares them for the world ahead.
TL;DR
Seeing the world through your child’s eyes doesn’t excuse bad behavior—it builds the emotional intelligence they’ll need to handle life with strength, insight, and compassion.
Your MicroStep
Value your child’s viewpoint. Empowering them as the hero of their own story—even in conflict—builds the self-awareness and emotional intelligence they need for life.
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