“Yes, and”—A Surprising Strategy for Your Kids
When your child is frustrated, they’re not looking for a fix—they’re looking for a flicker of connection. “Yes, and…” is a simple way to offer it.
Let’s talk about a parenting trick borrowed straight from the world of improv comedy. Yes, improv. It’s called the “Yes, and” approach, and it might just be the connection hack you didn’t know you needed.
In improv, no matter how wild the idea, you keep the scene alive by saying, “Yes, and…” It builds momentum instead of shutting things down. And when you bring this into parenting? You open a door for empathy, validation, and even laughter.
TL;DR
Instead of shutting down your child’s frustration or pushing logic, use “Yes, and…” to validate their experience and keep connection alive.
Make a Moment
In the heat of parenting, our default is often logic, correction, or solving the problem. But sometimes, connection starts with simply joining our child in their perspective—even for a moment.
Here’s what that might sound like in real life:
Child: “Why do I have to wake up this early? It’s not fair.”
Default parent mode: “Because school starts early, and you need to be responsible.”
Improv parent mode:
“Yes, and I wish school started at 10 a.m. too.”
“Yes, and wouldn’t it be awesome if there was a teleportation portal so you could skip the bus?”
You’re not agreeing to something. You’re agreeing with their emotional experience. It’s a small shift that makes a big difference.
[From Friction to Fun]
Instead of defending or debating, you’ve now connected, added a sprinkle of humor, and sidestepped a potential argument. No lecture. No power struggle. Just a lighthearted moment of understanding.
TL;DR
“Yes, and…” helps you stay on your child’s team—acknowledging their frustration while opening space for connection instead of conflict.
Why It Works
At the core, every kid wants to feel three things:
“I hear you.”
When you echo back their feelings with curiosity or creativity, they feel seen.
“I get it.”
Even if you can’t change the rules, you’ve validated their perspective—and that alone can calm the storm.
“I’m on your team.”
Instead of opposition, you’re showing alignment. That alone can defuse tension in an instant.
This isn’t about letting your child skip their responsibilities. It’s about saying, “I see your frustration, and I’m not going to fight you on it. I’m going to meet you in it—just for a second.”
TL;DR
Validation doesn’t mean agreement—it means acknowledgment. And acknowledgment builds trust, safety, and cooperation.
Your MicroStep
The next time your child complains or resists, try one “Yes, and…” response. Just one. Make it playful or empathetic—but keep it light. Then notice how the energy shifts.
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Grab my book, The MicroStep Method for the Overwhelmed Parent: Small Moments, Big Impact, for the entire collection of MicroSteps.