MicroStep: Be the Pilot

Here’s 1 moment, 1 pattern, 1 MicroStep, and 1 question for you this week.

1 MOMENT

When you've already explained it. Twice.

"We're not doing this again."

"I've already told you three times."

"Why do I have to keep repeating myself?"

Sound familiar?

1 PATTERN

When we keep explaining, negotiating, or debating, something subtle happens:

Leadership gets blurry.

Children’s nervous systems are constantly scanning for signals of safety and stability.

And calm leadership is one of the strongest signals there is.

Think of a pilot when there's turbulence. They fire up the intercom: "Folks, we're hitting some turbulence, please fasten your seatbelts." Calm. No debate. Now you feel slightly better (even if you're still white knuckling the arm rest), "OK, someone's in charge here."

How would you feel if - instead - they came down the aisle asking, "Anyone got any ideas for what we should do? This is a little scary." You'd be petrified!

Parenting is similar.

When kids push back again and again, they’re often checking one thing: Is someone flying this plane?

This is brain science, not kids trying to be manipulative or difficult. Kids' brains are constantly scanning the environment to see if someone capable is in charge.

When the pilot sounds unsure, turbulence feels worse. When a parent sounds unsure, kids push harder.

Kids don’t actually want to be in charge. They just want to know someone is.

And then they stop testing for it.

1 MICROSTEP

Step into your role of authority.

It can sound like this:

“We’re leaving now.”

or

“Sleepovers aren't allowed on Friday nights.”

You don’t need more words. Just calm leadership.

Because when kids feel that someone capable is in charge, their nervous system can relax.

And the argument usually loses its fuel.

1 QUESTION

Where might I say it once — and stop explaining?

Plan it.
Try it.
And let me know what happened!

Mary