MicroStep: Calling it “disrespect” might be the wrong way to get more respect.

Here’s 1 moment, 1 pattern, 1 MicroStep, and 1 question to carry with you this week.

1 MOMENT

When they are just so rude. . .

“She’s so disrespectful.”

“She’s sassy.”

“She’s driving me crazy.”

What do we normally do? We call it out:

“You’re always so disrespectful!”

“Why can’t you just be a better kid?”

“You need to start showing some appreciation.”

It feels logical. Because (we think), if the problem is disrespect, the solution must be more discipline.

But what if “disrespectful” isn’t actually the problem?
What if calling it disrespect is what wires more of it?

1 PATTERN

When we label behavior, we shape identity — even when we think we’re correcting it. Kids don’t just hear the words. They grow into them.

They become what we expect.

“She’s the dramatic one.”

“He’s lazy.”

“She just doesn’t care.”

Researchers call this the Pygmalion Effect: when we expect more, performance tends to rise. The Golem Effect shows the opposite: low expectations shrink performance over time.

Children grow into the expectations we hold.

This is not about ignoring behavior. It’s about being aware of  the story we attach to it.

1 MICROSTEP

Instead of: “You’re being disrespectful.” Try:

“You seem upset.”

“You seem really mad - you don’t normally respond like this.”

“That’s not like you.”

You’re not excusing the behavior or giving in. You still have to hold the limit.

But you are raising the bar by communicating:

I know you.

This isn’t your best.

That shift changes the energy of the moment — and builds the qualities you want to see more of.

1 QUESTION

Where might I be lowering the bar with a label?

Until next week,

Mary Willcox Smith
Creator of the MicroStep Method®
Author of The MicroStep Method for the Overwhelmed Parent