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Let’s talk about a little parenting trick that is actually borrowed straight from improv comedy. It’s called the “Yes, and” approach, and it might just be the hack you didn’t know you needed.
In improv, the golden rule is that no matter what wild idea gets thrown out, you respond with “Yes, and…” to keep the scene flowing. You can use this with your kids to make a connection with them instead of fighting. After all, it’s a lot harder for your kid to argue with you when you are agreeing with them.
Here’s how it works in parenting: Instead of jumping to logic, rules, or fixing things (often default mode), you start by agreeing with your child. Not agreeing to do something, but agreeing to understand what they are saying. You’re stepping into their perspective, even if it’s just for a moment, and that’s where the magic happens.
Here’s an example:
It’s 5:25 a.m. (a time most of us would rather not acknowledge), and your middle-schooler is dragging themselves out of bed for school. They complain, “Why do I have to wake up this early? It’s not fair.”
Your first instinct might be to explain why—because school starts early, the world is unfair, and logic dictates this is how life works. But what if, instead, you said:
“Yes, and I wish school started at 10 a.m. too!”
Or:
“Yes, and wouldn’t it be awesome if there was a teleportation portal you could jump through so you could skip the bus and just arrive!”
Notice what you’re doing here: You’re not arguing. You’re not explaining. You’re acknowledging their frustration with a little bit of imagination.
What happens next? Your child feels heard. You’ve validated their feelings without fighting against them. And instead of spiraling into conflict, the conversation can pivot into something lighter.
Why It Works
Kids just want to feel understood. When we use “Yes, and,” we’re communicating three things:
“I hear you.” Your child feels seen and heard, which is gold in the world of connection.
“I get it.” You’re acknowledging their perspective—even if you can’t change the situation.
“I’m on your team.” Instead of coming across as the opposition, you’re aligning with them.
You’re not letting them off the hook for rising at the admittedly ungodly hour of 5:25 a.m., you’re validating that you heard them, accept what they said, and understand. With this MicroStep, you’re communicating that “Your perspective is important to me and this makes sense.” At the end of the day, what we all want—whether we’re parents, kids, or middle-schoolers up too early—is to feel heard and valued.
So, the next time your kid throws a curveball, channel your inner improv comic and try a “Yes, and.” You might just find yourself laughing—and connecting—a little more.
Like what you're reading? Download a free chapter of my book,
MicroStep Method for the Overwhelmed Parent: Small Moments, Big Impact.
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