5 Clues to Help You Understand Your Child’s Behavior

Behavior is communication. When kids act out, it’s their way of saying, “I need something!” But what? These five clues can help you decode the message:

1. Hungry, Thirsty, or Tired

   When kids are running on empty, everything feels harder. A quick snack, water, or rest can turn things around. When one of my girls seemed grumpy for no reason, especially towards the end of the day, I would tell her it was time for a glass of water. Easy, low effort and often did the trick. At the very least, it’s harder to be ornery when drinking a glass of water. 

   
   

2. Frustrated by a Lack of Skills

   Sometimes, the struggle isn’t about effort—it’s about ability. From tying shoes to solving math problems, frustration can boil over when kids are so close but not there yet. Do they need just a little more support? Can you break the task down so they can have a win before moving on?

   
   

3. Craving Connection or Attention

   Every child needs to feel seen and valued. If that bucket feels empty, behaviors can crop up as a way to say, “Look at me!” Even five minutes of focused attention can be a start.

   
   

4. Feeling Like They Need More Control

   When kids feel powerless, they often push back. Giving them small choices can calm the storm. Offering younger kids a choice, like “Would you like to wear the red jacket or the blue one?” can give them a sense of control. If your tween or teen doesn’t want to wear a jacket on a cold day, let them make that choice.

   
   

5. Overwhelmed or Anxious

   Big emotions like anxiety or stress can be hard for kids to identify. I guarantee your young child will never sit in your lap and say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and struggling with my coping skills.” They’ll express it through their behavior. It might seem like they’re just being difficult, but they could be feeling overwhelmed.

   
   

Step one is identifying what's really going on.

And if you need help untangling the behavior, let me know.

Like what you're reading? Download a free chapter of my book,

MicroStep Method for the Overwhelmed Parent: Small Moments, Big Impact.

Download Now